Dear Grace,
I have a secret to tell you, but I mean it, you can’t tell anyone. Truth is, I’m Queen Ellen Byrne. If you didn’t know, I’m a top secret queen. I rule Eltopia, a small island between Ireland and Mexico where the currency is Eltopiells and the language is Eltopinese. But due to the current recession I am in disguise as a normal person. I have lived in Ireland since I was born but I rule Eltopia, yet no-one knows! My government are trying to sort out Eltopia’s financial issues because I’m only twelve. Do you have a king or queen in Heaven? I must have tea with him or her if you do. You’d have to come too, Grace! I mean, what point is there in going to meet the king or queen of where you live if my favourite pen-pal can’t come too?
I’m not much to look at really, Grace. You’re very pretty but I’m just me. My hair is chestnut brown but I’d like to dye it scarlet red. I have hazel eyes with green flecks and sallow skin. I know I’m young to be a queen, but my parents, Pat and Angela, help me. I have a sister too, called Leah but she passed over queendom because she likes her job in Boots. My nephew is called Bryan. He’s very cute but like all boys, he can be a bit annoying. The village I live in is called Conna. It’s in east Cork.
My reign lasts one year because I’m going to Loreto secondary school in September and won’t have time to rule a country. I’m in sixth class now, in Conna NS. My teacher is Miss Casey; she’s really, really nice. I’m in a class of five boys and ten girls. There’s Hannah, Gemma, Bronagh, Aoibhe, Leanne, Tanya, Chloe, Joanna and Charlotte. The boys are Patrick, Jack, Quentin, Kyle and Tadhg. We know each other well. Everyone has different personality traits and qualities. We have faults too but I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Home, no place like it. Of course my jewels and throne are in Eltopia. Ireland hasn’t a great reputation when it comes to theft. Not that we’re terribly in danger of losing everything we own but we’re better safe than sorry. My dog is called Fudge. He’s an eight month old Labrador. I got him for my twelfth birthday. He’s creamy coloured (hence his name: Fudge) with a black button nose. He still has a puppy look but his legs are long. He’s very clumsy but I think it’s very cute. I had a Jack Russell terrier before called Tiny. But he’s in Dog Heaven now. Please tell him I said hi if you pass. You’ll know him because he’s very fat. My horse is called Sundance. She’s chestnut and white with a silky black mane and tail which she scratched off. Now she looks like Simon Cowell. She’s friends with my two donkeys Sarah and Sampson. They’re really sweet. In fact, they are so in love I married them. I tied some toilet roll aound Sarah’s ear and put a small bow on Sampson’s head collar. Do you have pets in heaven? If you have a dog, she and Fudge can be friends! My hens are Esme, Dizzy, Safir, Mary Anne, Gwen the Hen and Chicken. I think I may have a compulsive naming disorder.
Well, I guess I’ve gabbled on for long enough, it’s time for CURRENT AFFAIRS! (yawn)
I’m glad you were from Cork because it means you’ll be very happy to know we won the All Ireland Football Final! We beat Down, much to the delight of every rebel there is. Even one guy, named Dave, from Grange made a video and posted it up on You Tube. It’s hilarious, Grace, look it up!
Two wonderful people died: Gerry Ryan and Moss Keane. Both wonderfully talented in their own way.
I love baking (though I’m not very good) but there are parts of the world simply starving. I’d love to bake a GIANT scone and share it out to all the third world countries. I know that sounds cheesy but that’s how I feel. I mentioned a recession earlier. Boy, are we deep in that fountain of dreariness now. In fact I think Brian Cowen is after drowning in it.
In Chile, there were thirty three miners who got trapped in their own tunnel. Imagine how dreary they felt. But they’re out now, thankfully. My mam even started crying when they showed a clip of one man hugging his son.
I enjoy lots of things Grace. Acting, writing, reading, drawing but I love, love, love writing poetry. I know that’s a bit weird but I really do love it. I like to fantasise about a world with no crime and misery and definitely no recessions. Sort of like old Ireland. Perhaps we could keep modern customs though – like girls wearing pants! Anyway, I wrote a poem about it so I hope you like it.
There is a place that is just serene,
Of waters blue and meadows green.
The horses canter through the heather,
And white swans soar with shining feather,
The mountains form around this land,
The friends potter with hand in hand.
The ghosts of folklore dwell at mind,
This land is waiting for one to find.
Well, that’s all I’ve got for you, but I’ll be waiting on your reply!
Love,
Ellen
P.S.: OK, I’m not really a queen but wouldn’t it be cool if I was?!
